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02 May 2006 @ 09:45 pm
Ellipsis are our friends...[Closed]  
Character(s): Hitsu, Touga
Content: Hitsu decides to try and see if he can do anything to help Touga after what happened the night before. He wants to make a TV show called Dr. Hitsu. :D
Setting: Library
Time: Late night Hitsu's a vampire. Shhhh!
Warnings:Angsty crud, fluffiness, hints of sexual intercourse, etc.

In truth, after the night before Hitsu's mind was quite in a jumble. His common sense and emotions conflicting with each other to create a horrible feeling of butterflies performing a circus act on speed in his stomach. He had tried all day to avoid the situation but in the end he found himself right where it had all began.

Of course, if he was this bad as it was – there was no telling how Touga was feeling after the night’s events. Hitsu wondered vaguely if the elder man actually recollected what happened when he had changed into the small child version of himself. With any luck, the elder man’s episode may have been different from his own – and he might actually recollect things that had happened then.

Yet.. was it such a good thing to remember what happened..? In a sense, the younger one didn’t want Touga to remember anything. He had opened up a little too much. Showed too much emotions. Yet it wasn’t as if this time was any different.

He couldn’t hide the nervousness and conflict within him as he whispered the other’s name. “Touga..” his lips quivered slightly as the name passed through a second time. What the hell was he thinking, calling out for someone who probably wasn’t here..?

It wasn’t as though simply saying his name would conjure a spell to make him appear.

winter_rosebud on May 8th, 2006 05:19 pm (UTC)
"When I was a kid I never noticed how much she kept inside. I didn't understand."

"But now you do?" Touga prompted gently. There was such a turmoil of emotions in the other boy when he spoke about his sister, and Touga sensed it was intimately entangled in Hitsu's feelings about himself.

"Kind of idiotic, really."

"Is it?" Touga asked, a vague hint of reproach in his tone. He didn't like Hitsu calling himself idiotic. Especially when he was talking about a subject so close to his heart. "If you went there," he continued, sliding his finger gently along the edge of the paper, "could you see her? Maybe speak with her?"

Touga was personally familiar with surreal landscapes that lay across the boundary between the living and the dead. He knew from first-hand experience that they existed, could be created, shaped to a strong will. If a song had inspired Hitsu to create such a place either in his mind or out in the ether, Touga wanted him to think about the possibility that he could go there and see his sister if he wanted to, even if only for a short time.
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 8th, 2006 05:40 pm (UTC)
“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t understand everything about her,” Hitsu admitted, his tone laced with guilt, “It took me a while to even catch on to the fact of how much strain taking care of me alone was putting on her. I only started to vaguely notice what she held inside in the few months before she passed.”

Upon the query afterward, he paused. If he went to that place, could he really have seen her again? If he looked deep into his mind would he be able to make her embrace tangible? The last time he had done such it had led to disaster. Denial overtook his mind and he wouldn’t leave that place. The boy refused to leave it even if it harmed the lives of others.

Someone, years ago, had saved him from his prison – showed him the truth. His sister would have never wanted her brother to have a criminal’s fate. She would have wanted him to go on despite it meant separation. She hadn’t wanted her brother to become a monster.

“I don’t believe I’ll be able to see her again for a while. The place where she is isn’t within my reach anymore. I don’t want to go back to there, not until I’m ready.” It obviously pained him to say this, yet his words were from his heart. He didn't want to see his sister in the form of a monster, a man who hadn't yet repented for his sins.
winter_rosebud on May 8th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
"But how old were you?" Touga asked. A child couldn't be expected to understand what an adult, a care-giver...an older sibling did for him. And it was impossible to understand everything about another person, though one might want to...

Touga was surprised to hear Hitsu had already seen his sister after her death, but he realised he shouldn't have been. He wondered if the other boy would ever tell him about the experience.

"I don’t want to go back to there, not until I’m ready.”

Whether Hitsu meant dying in order to see his sister again or not, his statement had the same ring to it. Touga turned and put his other arm around the younger boy, drawing him close. "Good," he said. "Because I'm not ready to give you up to her just yet." He brushed his lips across Hitsu's widow's peak.
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 9th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
Age was not much of a matter to someone who cared not for it. Ever since his sister had died, he had stopped celebrating it all together. Life after she died was a complete blur to him, he was stuck in a cycle where insanity and guilt governed. He didn’t know how many years had passed while he was in this state and thus he could have been anywhere from nineteen to maybe even in his late twenties. But he did remember the date she died. Exactly one week from his ninth birthday.

He was stripped of these thoughts for a moment, however, when Touga once again spoke. The all too familiar redness reappearing on Hitsu’s face due to the gesture. He still, sadly, did not quite get what the other meant by his words.

The redness disappeared a bit after a moment as Hitsu decided to respond to the other’s question. “I was almost nine when she past away.” His body visibly shivered as he spoke these words, as if remembering what had happened that day.
winter_rosebud on May 9th, 2006 05:27 am (UTC)
Touga held him comfortingly as Hitsu began to tremble, firmly rubbing his back with one hand. "So young," he commented.
"I was eight when my father bought me from the orphanage."

If he expected Hitsu to share, it was only fair, right?
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 10th, 2006 12:44 am (UTC)

Hitsu had figured the other's past was not just beautiful roses and flower petals. For one had to suffer some pain to even begin to understand the pain of others. As he listened to the words the other spoke, he remembered what he had said a day ago – and it hit him quite suddenly. Like a slap to the face. Something quite negative happened after he was adopted.

A twisted smirk came across his face. “And then all went to hell and back, ne?”
winter_rosebud on May 10th, 2006 04:28 am (UTC)
"No." Touga smiled his distant, nonchalant smile. "Everything was beautiful. Like a dream."

Yes, he had been frightened, at first. It had hurt. But Touga had learned many important lessons from his father. Like that love hurts.

"I'd never imagined a house so grand could exist. My father did everything for me...as long as I did what he wanted."

Thinking about it, remembering, Touga was beginning to disconnect again. To go to that place where he had no feelings, where nothing could hurt him. The numb sanctuary he had found deep within his mind lying there in the garden that first time his father had forced sex on a sexually immature body.
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 10th, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Nausea pitted itself within his stomach as he turned his head to gaze at the other’s glass smile. Deep inside him, he doubted the honesty of those words spoken. The way the other talked about it was eerie, as though he was seeing it through a tinted window. Gut instinct told him to push the subject yet he pushed such aside in respect for privacy.

“A dream? That's quite ironic, really. ” He turned his head back towards the paper, eyes staring at it for a moment before closing. “Mine was more like a nightmare. A broken record that wouldn’t stop playing in my head. To me, at first it seemed like a dream but I didn’t know the difference at the time because I was simply part of it myself.”
winter_rosebud on May 10th, 2006 05:10 am (UTC)
"A broken record that wouldn’t stop playing in my head."

Broken record...
a broken record...
playing over and over again
in a quiet room
Sitting in that same chair for hours, days on end
listening for...trying to find...something
he was missing in the music...

Touga jerked out of his memories with a start.
As he'd drifted away mentally, his grip on Hitsu had grown more loose. But his hands tightened on the other boy now, hearing what he'd said after the fact.

"Hitsu. Let's not go back there," Touga said, his voice hoarse and barely more than a whisper. His eyes were both sad and desperate, and looked suspiciously like they might be tearing up as he gazed down at the other boy.
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 10th, 2006 05:45 am (UTC)
Hitsu hadn't noticed the other's reaction at first, his own memories on the brink of reemerging at the edge of his mind at the thought. It all was a nightmare, one could call it but it was reality as well. For he once even had the scars to prove that fateful day of her death – the nails hammered into both his hands and arms. They felt like they had nailed themselves into his heart as well that day. At least, part of them wish they would have.

Touga’s voice shook of this memories but still brought a sense of cold as his eyes opened to once again peer at him. There were those emotions, coming back again – and his suspicions of earlier became more permanent due to these reactions.

His right hand moved, clasping over one of the other’s gently. The gesture may have been out of sympathy, or maybe it was due to the fact he, himself needed something to hold on to. He didn’t know as he shifted to hold the other’s arm. Not a word spoken but instead, he gave a simple nod.
winter_rosebud on May 10th, 2006 05:42 pm (UTC)
Feeling Hitsu reaching out to him--again--meant so much to Touga. And knowing the other boy better now, how rare this display was for him made it even more incredible.

He moved so that they were face to face and pulled the other boy close, holding him tight, almost tight enough to hurt.

Touga buried his face in Hitsu's shoulder for several moments, finally raising his head to whisper in the other boy's ear, "Hitsu, I..." Touga wasn't sure what he was trying to say. Just that there was something he had to tell the other boy. Something it almost hurt to keep inside. "I'm so glad you found me."

It was not a bad effort, considering, and merely expressed the sentiment in a different way. Admitting that he had been lost--to himself--was a big step for Touga.
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 10th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
Hitsu couldn’t deny that the embrace felt nice nor could he deny a fear leaving him the moment he was held. His mind wouldn’t allow him to think of the right words for what he was fearing but it now felt as though some weight was lifted off him.

At the same time he found himself concerned about the other’s well being. Wondering what had happened to Touga that made him so distant at times, what made him cling to him like a lost child. Maybe he .. wanted to help him..?

As if he could help anyone, he hadn’t been able to even save himself.
But he had done something.. For it had been years since anyone was truly glad that he was around. He usually was a burden. And for Touga to say those words, sincerely, became a gift of it’s own. He smiled softly, returning the embrace with his own. “… I am.. too..”
winter_rosebud on May 10th, 2006 09:40 pm (UTC)
[ooc: You wanna just end it here with the unspoken love and we can start a new thread with them doing something else later, or...does Hitsu wanna give it up now? >D]
Hitsuabstractedmind on May 11th, 2006 01:02 am (UTC)
((OOC: Probably another thread or something. XD Hitsu's not quite ready to give it up now. Touga's charms still haven't gotten that far. ))